Memorial Service Bulletin

Ramblings of a Grieving Mother

The last two weeks have been a bit like an out of body experience.  In many ways I feel like I’ve been going through the motions and just getting through the days.  I’ve been very busy taking care of things that had to be done to prepare for the coming days/week…writing obituaries, ordering a casket, telling your child’s school counselor that they have lost their sibling…things no one ever wants to have to do, but at least they have kept me busy.  Matt began teaching his classes again last week and that has successfully kept him busy too.  Busy is good.  It’s when the ‘busy’ stops that I worry about.  

Hopefully the ‘busy’ won’t ever stop… thankfully we have two energetic, funny, feisty and loving boys that keep this house BUSY most of the time!

They are my purpose and saving grace right now…I don’t know what I would do without them! (Love you Carter and Ben!)

Things have been such a blur since the Tuesday we learned of Kate's diagnosis.  Things happened so fast Matt and I have barely had time to process.  I have noticed each of us are holding onto physical things from our experiences of those five days (Tuesday thru Saturday)...  Neither Matt nor I have taken off our Baby ID hospital bracelets…neither of us have said anything to the other, but I don't think we can bring ourselves to remove them. (Since I wrote this Matt's bracelet broke off while he was sleeping...very sad.)

Matt has been carrying with him the lucky bean he had in his pocket in the delivery room (for those of you who don't know what a lucky bean is here is a photo.  

Matt has had this lucky bean for years. (My brother and I used to hunt for them as kids.  Matt and I found this one at my family's cabin woods retreat in Naples.)  Matt told me he sat the lucky bean on Kate's diaper as he talked to her in the PICU... I know that small grey bean has extra special meaning to him now.

The nights have been the most difficult for me so I have quietly found comfort in sleeping with the soft pink blanket Kate was wrapped in while in the PICU.  It smelled like her for the first few nights and now her scent has faded and been replaced by mine.

Support...

Before the craziness of the past two weeks I caught a few episodes of Matthew Perry’s new show Go On (about a support group Perry's character attends after his wife's unexpected passing)… as I begin to formulate our/my long road of dealing with loss, grief and healing I foresee the likely use of counseling and  potentially support groups.  I now have an entirely new appreciation for the show.  I wonder if the support group I may join will have any interesting, hilarious...maybe even odd characters like the group in Go On?...guess I can only hope!

Anger...

A few years ago Matt and I watched a good friend pass away from Pancreatic Cancer.  He had been married for nearly 30 years, had two boys in high school and a little less than six months from the time of his diagnosis to his passing.  I remember sitting on the couch with him talking and he was telling me how ANGRY he was with his illness and the situation.  It wasn’t fair.  Then he told me that in the past four months the most helpful and meaningful thing anyone had said or done for him was to pick him up and take him to a quiet lake near some woods.  His friend brought with her a big bag of rocks and together, without saying a word, she sat with him while he flung rocks into the water, at trees, at the ground, at anything… sat with him and just let him be ANGRY! 

I’m very aware that anger is one of the five stages of grief and I know ours will come.  We have two old sets of golf clubs in the garage that Matt was planning to cut down for the boys.  I suggested maybe we each take a set and bend them around the light post down the street!  Who knows what my anger outlet will be… 

Ramblings... 

As I said before, this blog is more of a journal outlet for me than for any other reason.  When things were happening so quickly with Kate’s situation I was afraid I would forget the days and details so I started writing them down.  Then the blog became a central and more effective way to deliver information to family and close friends.  Never did we imagine it would reach or touch so many people.

I’m not sure how I feel about continuing the blog and continuing to write and share as we move through the grieving process, but a good friend and neighbor suggested I do.  She said, “as Kate’s due date arrives, as the holidays come, etc. it will be a way for us to read and know how you’re doing... to know if you’re okay or to have a little insight into how you’re feeling and know what we might be able to do to help.”  (I/We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such incredible people and wonderful friends.)  For now I will continue blogging and sharing my ramblings, but I look forward to the day I can sign off the blog with a healing heart, remembering...never forgetting…but moving forward to the next chapter in our lives.  

Words

In the past week and a half we’ve received lots of teary-eyed hugs with the comment, “We/I don’t know what to say!”  You know what…that’s okay!  I’m glad people don’t know what to say because that would mean they know what we are feeling from experience and we are so glad that is not the case.  Thankfully experiencing the death of a child is not a natural or common thing in our society.  

We hope people can share their sympathy, thankfully not their empathy.  I’m not sure there are ever ‘right words’ in a situation like this.  For us a quiet hug and gentle smile shows both love and support and that is what we need the most. 

Tie a Pink Ribbon

Monday afternoon Matt and I drove home from Iowa City.  We were exhausted but were so ready to see and hug our boys.  Matt drove while I made a few phone calls and we talked a bit about the coming days.  The last half-hour of the trip I closed my eyes and dozed a bit but woke up when I realized that Matt had stopped the car for a while.  He quietly said, "you need to sit up and look around."  He had stopped the car at the corner of our street in our small neighborhood...our house was 50ft to the right.  Everywhere we looked, on EVERY tree large and small, EVERY light pole and EVERY sign post there were pink ribbons... Pink ribbon tied in bows and blowing in the breeze.  Neither Matt nor I had shed a tear yet that day, but at that moment we both sat silently with tears streaming down our face.

In addition to the ribbons many of the houses on the street have left their lights on in honor of the light Kate brought to the world and to show their support of our family.

If you ever hear someone say "neighborhoods are not like they used to be" or "neighbors aren't as friendly as they were when I was a kid" come visit our neighborhood! Merced Drive is an INCREDIBLE place to live!

As if the ribbons and house lights weren't enough armies of loving and supportive neighbors, friends and colleagues have mobilized to ensure all of our family’s personal and professional needs are covered.  The neighborhood started a 'Meal Train' that was extended to the entire community.  In two days every possible meal slot was booked for our family until December!  Like I said...INCREDIBLE!  I logged on the other day to check it out and couldn't believe the amount of yummy, cheesy, creamy goodness people have volunteered to bring us!  I don’t know how I’m EVER going to begin to loose any of this baby weight with all of the wonderful comfort food coming.  Maybe I’ll just hibernate this winter and awake with a mission in the spring!

In the past few days we have found so much comfort in the tender smiles, strong hugs and shared tears of friends…we are truly blessed. 

Thank you, all!

Honoring Kate (Information on Services)

Obituary Links:
Des Moines Register: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/desmoinesregister/obituary.aspx?pid=160238704#fbLoggedOut

Naples Daily News: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/naplesnews/obituary.aspx?n=Katherine-Mitchell&pid=160256292#fbLoggedOut

Visitation and Memorial Service:
An informal drop-in visitation for our family will be held on the Drake University campus on Friday, October 5th, from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m. in the Collier Reading Room of the Cowles Library. A formal service will be held in Naples, FL on Saturday, October 13th at First United Methodist Church of Naples and will be followed by a brief reception.

In lieu of flowers or gifts we have asked that memorial donations be made to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital or The University of Iowa Children's Hospital - The University of Iowa Foundation.

Please feel free to distribute this information to those who may want to attend.  Thank you again for all your continued love and support.

Picture Memories

Kate greets the world! 

Born Friday, September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Weighed 5lbs, 5oz

Proud mommy and sweet baby girl just after delivery.

Daddy-Daughter time...songs and stories

Snuggles, lullabies and a sweet goodbye...

Rock-A-Bye Sweet Baby Kate

It is with shattered hearts, but with hearts full of a loving peace, we share with you the passing of our Sweet Kate.  She graced this earth for nearly 26 hours departing it at 7:54 pm.  Her passing was peaceful.  She was wrapped in her cozy blanket snuggled in our arms when she took her last breaths.

We were/are so blessed to be her parents!  I have never seen such a tiny, new person have such an impact on so many.

We love you Kate and look forward to the day we see you and wrap you in our arms again!

Thank you all for your outpouring of love, support and prayers.
Every single one of them was felt to the fullest.

All our love,
Matt, Betsy, the Boys and Sweet Kate