tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91608425502745375372024-03-13T20:51:10.302-07:00TheMitchellFamilyofFiveAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-81168187698218066592017-09-27T23:19:00.002-07:002017-09-28T08:17:04.087-07:00Acknowledging Our Grief Anniversaries...5 Years<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 28.0pt;">5<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Years<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 28.0pt;">60<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Months<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 28.0pt;">260<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Weeks<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 28.0pt;">1,825<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Days<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "janda elegant handwriting";">…not a single one has passed
that I haven’t thought of her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Five years. How has it been five
years since the longest and shortest 26 hours of my life? So much has happened
in the years since Kate’s birth. It sometimes feels like compassionate Father
Time is smoothing the jagged, painful edges of the memories into something more
gentle and palatable. I don’t know whether to say thank you or to lash out in protective anger. Part of me appreciates the dulling of the pain while a huge
part of me is rebelling at its fading… wanting to feel every second of it, willing
to bleed…to know and remember <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">forever</b>.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
No matter how much time passes
these yearly anniversaries are the biggest hurdle. They continue to be arresting
and suffocating. Perhaps a disguised mercy is that because Kate’s life was so brief
I was spared many of the more frequent, surprising triggers that affect others who have lost loved ones. We never shared mornings, milestones or a lifetime of memories...just brief moments that pack themselves into two unforgettable days. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
In the past five years I have
been called upon to reach out to, support and counsel other grieving mothers. Also,
I have been asked multiple times by my friends and family for advice or words of
love and encouragement to share with grieving parents they know. My love and
dedication to Kate has made these missions of support and understanding possible.
In these moments, I have the unmistakable feeling that Kate is with me serving
as my foundation of strength and support so I can in turn share strength,
experience and an exemplified promise of tomorrow with others that are hurting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I treasure these moments when I
feel Kate is close, but I feel closest to Kate through my sweet Ben. Even though he was
only two and a half when she was born he has the deepest most amazing connection with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While my body will forever have the most direct physical connection to her life and our hearts once beat together, Ben’s tender heart has a direct
connection to her spirit for which I am so very thankful. (Their connection really is incredible to experience!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
My grief continues to and will
forever be a journey. Kate’s life and death fractured my foundation and have
forever changed my life, but I have found my path and continue to walk in the
shoes of a grieving mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The painful
shoes I put on five years ago are beginning to soften as I break them in more
and more every day...every year. I am ready to take the next step in celebrating Kate’s life and legacy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">#katesdayofkindness<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rRcbqyxKXKXrABw51woVMRe5jsZIYLHIfOkmYMv-hCXBCXjXAqF4O_YD-TLqIPRI12YnhJaL-JZXEpWInrckVUvw0HloFIPIzxu7tC1EiW4OKTom16PdCaH1p6F29xrFEmJo8l5V950/s1600/Kate%2527s+Day+of+Kindness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1487" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rRcbqyxKXKXrABw51woVMRe5jsZIYLHIfOkmYMv-hCXBCXjXAqF4O_YD-TLqIPRI12YnhJaL-JZXEpWInrckVUvw0HloFIPIzxu7tC1EiW4OKTom16PdCaH1p6F29xrFEmJo8l5V950/s320/Kate%2527s+Day+of+Kindness.jpg" width="297" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;">Thank you for your outpouring of love and support over the past five years. As cliche as it sounds, I could not have made it through </span>without you. I look back at my "Drowning" post when things were the darkest and realize how far I have come. I made it out of the rabbit hole, out of the trenches, out of the darkness. I am forever changed, but I am okay. I am stronger. I have been blessed with good, lasting and meaningful experiences that were made possible by Kate. She continues to make a difference...she inspires me to be better and do better every day.</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
(Now...go forth and be kind!) </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-27957851127693918222014-10-08T21:31:00.001-07:002014-10-09T05:41:54.278-07:00Angels Among Us...In Angel Gowns<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
had no intention of crafting another blog post so soon following my last entry
on Kate’s second anniversary…but I never anticipated this…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Last
Wednesday we were graced by a visit by one of Matt’s life-long friends, Katie
Wildman, whom we had not seen in a few years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Along with the smiles, warmth and love that always accompany Katie she
brought with her a non-descript cardboard box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unbeknownst to me, the box was filled with handcrafted treasures made
possible by a circle of love…all in honor of my sweet Kate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Below is the letter I found inside the box
from Katie’s mom Sandy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Matt and Betsy,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The day Betsy posted information about NICU
Helping Hands on her Facebook page I was taken with the idea of sewing in your
Kate’s honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I volunteered immediately
and waited patiently for instructions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My reaction was sincere and didn’t diminish over the five months it took
for the organization to contact me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
had been very, very busy in the meantime.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Originally, a NICU doctor in Fort Worth
asked his wife to organize support for the families of the babies he cared
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her small local group provided
education, counseling and funds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
knew her wedding gown wouldn’t be used again, for she had four sons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dress was used to make the first Angel
Gowns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After four years the organization
was invited to do a local TV spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
spot was picked up nationally and internationally and NICU Helping Hands became
an overnight sensation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within weeks
they had 8,000 donated wedding gowns and 400 volunteer seamstresses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s about the time I volunteered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since March of 2014 they have worked
tirelessly to deal with the overwhelming challenges of becoming an overnight
nationwide organization.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, where do
you store 8,000 dresses?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A family who had benefited from the
organization’s care donated warehouse space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The group spent Saturdays in an un-air conditioned warehouse in Texas
heat, packing wedding dresses to be shipped to their volunteer
seamstresses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They built a Facebook page
and a sewing support team to guide them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Finally, an official press release was
posted and I asked Shannon Sloan Datitilo to post the NICU announcement on her
Facebook page because she has 1,500 friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I received 15 weddings gowns as a result.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shannon also has challenges for she adopted
a daughter with CP.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew she would
never marry and wanted to donate her dress, but wanted a picture of her
daughter in the dress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adrianna, who is
nine, nonspeaking and wheelchair bound was not happy with our attempt at a
photo shoot and with tears in both their eyes, Shannon sent me home with her
wedding dress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t bring myself
to cut into her dress and sent a message that I was returning it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shannon called a professional photographer
and the enclosed pictures are a result.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The photographer had also experienced NICU services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She offered to take pictures of the finished
Angel Gowns from Shannon’s dress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
will be included in the NICU Helping Hands blog along with a story about you,
Kate, Shannon, Adrianna and Hannah, the photographer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This experience has created so many
exceptional moments of love and kindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have created a circle of love and it started with Baby Kate.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The idea of cutting into a wedding dress was
tantalizing; I couldn’t resist!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working
with the fabrics, beading, lace and buttons has been a treat, but with every
Angel Gown I finished I thought of your Kate and the day I could demonstrate my
sincere sorrow for your loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have donated
50 Angel Gowns and bonnets in Katherine Elizabeth Mitchell’s honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each of the 50 families who receive the gowns
will be comforted in her honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
legacy is one of love.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 4.0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Edwardian Script ITC"; font-size: 26.0pt;">Sandy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
read the letter and cried with Katie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Behind the letter I found the following photos and my tears were replaced with a huge
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What an incredibly beautiful
photo of Adrianna and of her and her mother Shannon!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a special memory!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What love!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrwbB4b-N5D7nHSJ2f1Io3-ca_KaIO53tWTB8mrjAEU0xS5rp7xvOtF5CRSVz5XeAbNUPRvfvEjqUVqLHZJ52Y5mESlyF79g4IO6zTUBbqUAkWfSHlhnyJmySHy_mZohyphenhypheneJJ3JV4Y5W-w/s1600/Adrianna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrwbB4b-N5D7nHSJ2f1Io3-ca_KaIO53tWTB8mrjAEU0xS5rp7xvOtF5CRSVz5XeAbNUPRvfvEjqUVqLHZJ52Y5mESlyF79g4IO6zTUBbqUAkWfSHlhnyJmySHy_mZohyphenhypheneJJ3JV4Y5W-w/s1600/Adrianna.jpg" height="308" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4SHoL566Of703w_EXOgwkGV6GGuKGLjg4KZ1C4D1US-f97dVcjH8_eBZEGOaqOytoh-u3LK8Hm_Pfjy960Uz84WFacPfGIqrbpnMoz6PuyEVdqVIDolFNOwlCfcjndOgMU-mfTOrlxis/s1600/Adrianna+&+Shannon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4SHoL566Of703w_EXOgwkGV6GGuKGLjg4KZ1C4D1US-f97dVcjH8_eBZEGOaqOytoh-u3LK8Hm_Pfjy960Uz84WFacPfGIqrbpnMoz6PuyEVdqVIDolFNOwlCfcjndOgMU-mfTOrlxis/s1600/Adrianna+&+Shannon.jpg" height="308" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
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After
reading the letter and smiling at the photos I slowly, very carefully, admired
each one of the sample selection of Angel Gowns Sandy had sent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Holding each gown I held tremendous love…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
…a
physical manifestation of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>love</u></i>
felt on one of the happiest days of a woman’s life...her wedding day…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
…the
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>love</u></i> and hope a mother feels
from the moment a she discovers she is carrying a new life and is expecting a
baby…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
…and
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>love</u></i> and talent of a
volunteer seamstress to help honor a brief life and immeasurable grief.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Below
are just a few photos of the many gowns and bonnets Sandy sent to share with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhupFDAH0bz9ONIYf0dAIc4HOkxT1rJSCT0odg7rDRtq5UUm6TxU1MTstA8MpZMNehriJJUhmTsbHMjaV5SdX23UwevsIdFw5oSuhp820E2UfXZ2ul3D3MIvYMSsjWOOZVAnPabwf4GyCk/s1600/IMG_0001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhupFDAH0bz9ONIYf0dAIc4HOkxT1rJSCT0odg7rDRtq5UUm6TxU1MTstA8MpZMNehriJJUhmTsbHMjaV5SdX23UwevsIdFw5oSuhp820E2UfXZ2ul3D3MIvYMSsjWOOZVAnPabwf4GyCk/s1600/IMG_0001.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLTty12dW4z-Z8mJxCwhL-ehXaGzZcXxurtC8QqjNdGyeNBiTHLw93oZQZUixmwa_RkxTzKpRaixLLEPsWPmwBvDFSzwBolctIJIz3Xlw4GhyphenhyphenfXvikOSVx1hoAHbo36AEiM-khWz841gk/s1600/IMG_0002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLTty12dW4z-Z8mJxCwhL-ehXaGzZcXxurtC8QqjNdGyeNBiTHLw93oZQZUixmwa_RkxTzKpRaixLLEPsWPmwBvDFSzwBolctIJIz3Xlw4GhyphenhyphenfXvikOSVx1hoAHbo36AEiM-khWz841gk/s1600/IMG_0002.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixei499M-Dt_8r1Tsb4yrMwOLrO_GF8kzoSxCmljUOqay-QvWge7qsblwcIAOa2vUh5kTpQLqp-_5Gcvw6pzrNRG3TLmxx6crWILSvDWALk2MJbAdY10UVh8nT28AQCzKuXTHRIFggwZc/s1600/IMG_0003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixei499M-Dt_8r1Tsb4yrMwOLrO_GF8kzoSxCmljUOqay-QvWge7qsblwcIAOa2vUh5kTpQLqp-_5Gcvw6pzrNRG3TLmxx6crWILSvDWALk2MJbAdY10UVh8nT28AQCzKuXTHRIFggwZc/s1600/IMG_0003.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_ZEGHyNZpl4ZWCfAr4bybQtlxa0-zNyjtN1kxkEo50v8OLQpPdVd4-YsApdyx0kr96XCkDzxZm7isE378SvZZKCtMZSNJk4qMMuO2-io7hyj2BO9KAjSU5NdwEhYCHNanVWgoK-Xu20/s1600/IMG_0004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_ZEGHyNZpl4ZWCfAr4bybQtlxa0-zNyjtN1kxkEo50v8OLQpPdVd4-YsApdyx0kr96XCkDzxZm7isE378SvZZKCtMZSNJk4qMMuO2-io7hyj2BO9KAjSU5NdwEhYCHNanVWgoK-Xu20/s1600/IMG_0004.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a>This
is Kate’s gown and bonnet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The photo does not begin to do it justice! It's beautiful! </span>It was made from one of
my wedding dresses and I feel it embodies everything I pictured Kate to be…beautiful,
classy, refined, elegant and simply lovely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It warms my heart to know that I now have something that has been ‘passed
down’ to Kate. Matt and I have decided
we will have Kate’s gown and bonnet mounted and preserved in a shadow box until
she is interred with me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_ZEGHyNZpl4ZWCfAr4bybQtlxa0-zNyjtN1kxkEo50v8OLQpPdVd4-YsApdyx0kr96XCkDzxZm7isE378SvZZKCtMZSNJk4qMMuO2-io7hyj2BO9KAjSU5NdwEhYCHNanVWgoK-Xu20/s1600/IMG_0004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I intend to keep a couple of the gowns and
donate them to the Iowa City NICU/PICU.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our family owes a visit to the hospital staff who so lovingly cared for
us in the days before and after Kate’s time with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With Sandy’s help I will send the remaining
gowns on to the Helping Hands organization in Texas who will then pass them along to
other families.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">And so continues Kate’s story of lasting
love!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Sandy...you are awesome! Thank you for sharing your love and talent with us and so many others!</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your generosity and talented fingers have given us
a lasting memory and will undoubtedly give the families who receive your Angel
Gowns a little comfort knowing their baby was love, celebrated and
remembered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Kate...Way to go baby girl! Keep up the good work! ;-) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
xoxox,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Mama</div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">About NICU Helping Hands ‘Angel Gowns’:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Our organization believes that every life
matters and should be honored – no matter how brief that life may be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are honored to help provide a little piece
of hope in the midst of these very dark days. Hope in knowing that someone
cares and that grieving families are not alone. Complete strangers joining
together to honor the life of a lost baby. A priceless gift in the form of a
simple Angel Gown garment provided by a donating bride, a volunteer seamstress
and NICU Helping Hands.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To read more about the organization, to
donate or to request a gown please visit: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">http://www.nicuhelpinghands.org/lend-a-helping-hand/angel-gowns/<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<a href="http://www.nicuhelpinghands.org/blog/">http://www.nicuhelpinghands.org/blog/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/nicuhelpinghands</div>
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<br /></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-62393350443828121222014-09-28T06:49:00.002-07:002014-09-28T09:56:19.557-07:00Time...Wounds...Pain Lessens...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>~Rose Kennedy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It
has been two years…it has been 730 sunrises…it has been 17,520 hours since the
longest and shortest 26 hours of my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that time I can say, with absolutely certainty
that not a single day has passed that I have not thought about Kate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about Kate every morning when I see
her picture and when I pull out of my driveway and my car faces “Kate’s tree”
that is planted at the end of our cul-de-sac with her monument beneath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about Kate when I see a little girl
that is about her (would-be) age and resembles how I picture Kate in my
mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about Kate when I’m
snuggling a sleeping Lyla. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think about
Kate when I am asked how many children I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think about Kate when I see and touch the physical scars left
behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s safe to say I still think
about Kate all of the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
familiar dread of this past week’s anniversary washed over me again yesterday,
but it was nothing like the paralyzing heartache I experienced last year. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Time…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Wounds…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pain
Lessens…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Last
year I relived every hour of every day of that week as if I was there again…starting
with her diagnosis on Tuesday our day in Iowa City on Wednesday, her birth on
Friday and our tearful good bye on Saturday. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That week last year was, excruciating, lonely
and heartbreaking; however, once the week ended and the first anniversary of
Kate’s short time with us passed I felt a weight lifted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt as if I could walk a little taller. Last
year I was eight months pregnant with a little girl whose due date was only one
day after Kate’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Needless to say my
emotions, hormones and fears were all running on overdrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until I weathered Kate’s first anniversary
week I had not realized how guarded and almost disconnected I was with Lyla’s
pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight I realized that
emotionally I felt as though I needed to devote an entire year to actively grieving
for Kate before I could look forward to the birth of another sweet little girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The passing of her first
anniversary felt like a wave on the shore… it brought with it a new layer of
peace and took away some of the emotional burden I had been shouldering for the
past year.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Time…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Wounds…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pain
Lessens…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In
year two I continue to become more and more comfortable in my ‘new normal’ and
am beginning to see more and more of the person I was and the person I want to
be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are still times I fight the
fear and negativity that is often left in the wake of tragic loss, but I no
longer feel guilty when I laugh and have a good time and I no longer face <u>daily</u>
fears that something tragic will happen to one of my other three children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I know I will always be vulnerable to fears
of losing another child, but I hope that paralyzing fear will continue to dissipate
with additional time.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can (and did just
last month) cry in the produce section of the grocery store with a total
stranger who was gushing over Lyla and shared with me her heartbreaking story
of losing a child, but after hugging her and walking away I smiled, sent a
little prayer to Kate telling her I love and miss her and continued to have a
day that was not overcome with consuming grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have finally found an answer to the question, “How many children do
you have?” that I feel includes Kate, but does not make the inquirer
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the days, weeks, and years moving forward
my goal is to be the most whole, positive and impactful person I can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will forever strive to be someone that an <u>angel</u>
would be proud to call ‘<u>mom’</u>!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
My
once shattered heart is being pieced back together and mended with scar tissue
(and by Kate’s little sister).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I
have realized through my own experience and through conversations with other
mothers who have lost children that the grief never ends.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdHLNG4iCHTkjVzJeQhCsq2I28ymq9Wkf90ZR6cXkLBSTPl0vT5R88sligK-Pq0oxfZRYCJgX6fHEGACaTb-ftWcq2zJCiiSmGKeGFhHs_C1u89i9yonPddRqC6TlCUNAAckn4DZQD0Tc/s1600/Survival.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdHLNG4iCHTkjVzJeQhCsq2I28ymq9Wkf90ZR6cXkLBSTPl0vT5R88sligK-Pq0oxfZRYCJgX6fHEGACaTb-ftWcq2zJCiiSmGKeGFhHs_C1u89i9yonPddRqC6TlCUNAAckn4DZQD0Tc/s1600/Survival.jpg" height="320" width="273" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“Grief
never ends… but it changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of
faith… It is the price of love.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>~Author Unknown </div>
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<br /></div>
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My
Journey, my passage continues… A mother’s natural instinct is to protect her
baby and her children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a child dies,
the mother’s instinct is to protect their memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are remembered Kate…You are remembered,
and loved and missed! Thank you to everyone who continues to remember Kate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-26889183463163651612012-11-07T08:31:00.000-08:002017-09-28T07:17:49.663-07:00Drowning<span style="text-align: justify;">So this
is what it feels like?!? </span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">I’m not sure
what “IT” is… depression, drowning, desolation, misery, the “blahs”, etc.…</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">All I know is I don’t like “IT.”</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It’s
been six weeks since Kate’s diagnosis and nearly six weeks since Kate was
born…six weeks since the longest and shortest 26 hours of my life…six weeks
since one of the happiest moments of my life, the birth of my daughter; and the
saddest moment to date, her death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
past six weeks have been busy…busy with plans, busy with family, busy with
travel, busy with friends, just busy! Things
have now quieted down a bit and we’re entering the quiet doldrums of the ‘moving
on’ stage. The problem is I feel that in ‘moving on’ I
have turned into Alice in Wonderland and fallen down the rabbit hole into a
place where nothing is as it should be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Every
day people either mundanely or meaningfully ask, “How are you?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’m
NOT okay. I finally realized this was
the case when I could no longer say the affirmative, “I’m okay” without tearing
up. It doesn’t matter if my mom asks me
or the check-out person at the grocery store…I just can’t say it anymore...I’m
no longer okay. I’ve been confused for a
few days wondering why I’m just now feeling this way? Why am I now, six weeks later feeling like my
fingers are letting go from the cliff one by one and I’m freefalling
downward? Why did it take this long? I expect that the nearing and passing of
Kate’s due date has had much to do with the arrival of this stage of the grief
process. Her due date was Sunday
(11/4)…she should be here in my arms…she’s not and she won’t ever be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Not
only do I feel like I’m falling into a dark, cold hole I feel like I’m turning
into a different person…a person who is more negative, irritable, flooded by
sadness and sees sad situations everywhere and dwells on them instead of
recognizing the sadness and searching for the positive or the silver
lining. Sometimes I look in the mirror
and I don’t like the person I see. This
is not the person I was or am used to being.
I knew that this experience/situation would change me in many ways, but
I don’t like these changes and I hope they are not permanent. This is not the person I want to be moving
forward. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
feel like I’m battling and being knocked and beaten down on so many fronts and
I’m starting to get angry about it. I’m
angry that my body has been wrecked; I’m angry that this situation is affecting
some of my friendships; I’m angry that I no longer walk past the girl section
in Target and smile…now I hurry past and try not to cry; I’m angry at the
pregnant woman I saw smoking the other day; I’m angry that my sweet pink
nursery is empty; I’m angry that the hopes, dreams and visions I had for Kate
will never be realized; I’m angry that I’m so vulnerable and fragile right now
(that’s a very foreign feeling to me)… I’m angry!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
When
I step back, I acknowledge that these feelings and changes are all part of the
grieving process, and even though I don’t like it I’m probably right were I
need to be…in the trenches, drowning in grief.
As the children’s book (Going on a Bear Hunt) says… “We can’t go over
it. We can’t go under it. Oh no!
We’ve got to go THROUGH it!” I
know that’s the way it is with the grieving process too. I don’t like it, but I know that I have to
work through it in order to find a resolution.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
As
dark as I feel and as sad as my situation is I can think of so many ways it
could be worse…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<ul>
<li>What
if I did not have two sweet and adorable kids to help me get up every
morning? That would be worse.</li>
<li>What
if Kate died in utero? That would be
worse.</li>
<li>What
if she died in surgery and I never had the chance to snuggle her, even just
once? That would be worse.</li>
<li>What
if I had no support group to help me through this impossible time? That would be worse.</li>
</ul>
<span style="text-align: justify;">I’m
trying to hold on to a little of the ‘old me’ and find some slender and tenuous
rays of positive light.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
What
if?... <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
What
if blessings come through raindrops?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
What
if healing comes through tears?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
What
if trials of this life are mercies in disguise?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I heard
this song on the radio the other day and stopped the car to listen.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4mmgV6mPvb0/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4mmgV6mPvb0?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
know I will make it out of the rabbit hole, out of the trenches, out of the
darkness. I know I will eventually be
okay. I also know that there is
something/s good and lasting and meaningful that will come from this experience
and Kate’s death. I know she will make
difference somehow and that is helping me struggle to keep my head above water.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
While
I so wish someone could throw me a life raft I know I must keep treading water
on my own for now…</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-13802585890020347332012-11-05T18:25:00.000-08:002012-11-08T17:59:20.624-08:00Infant Loss Resources<span style="text-align: justify;">I sincerely hope that none of you ever need the resources, links or materials listed below, but I have come to find out infant loss is much more common than I ever knew or imagined. Whether it's miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death, you or someone you know may find some of the resources below helpful.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.heavensgain.com/"><span style="color: black;"><b>www.Heavensgain.com</b></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhUXKMN9ecXRGt9wiw9NB8uRDnPOVbXkiBNq0Btv5hvLQpnAXmGs2KwUT652T7Teu1Ts4F3PlP7vLmFN2jYAeY7DiVZGa8V5tuMol4J36Z_y_t4-A4c2i_jW8pSClA4DErqC2RhVrPo8/s1600/RAK_3915.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhUXKMN9ecXRGt9wiw9NB8uRDnPOVbXkiBNq0Btv5hvLQpnAXmGs2KwUT652T7Teu1Ts4F3PlP7vLmFN2jYAeY7DiVZGa8V5tuMol4J36Z_y_t4-A4c2i_jW8pSClA4DErqC2RhVrPo8/s1600/RAK_3915.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="text-align: justify;">Heaven's Gain specializes in
providing small baby caskets and burial products for families suffering
the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or preemie death.</span><br />
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This website has a variety of
hard to find products and resources for families suffering an infant loss of all stages. It was recommended to us by a friend and was
very helpful. The owners of the company
are a couple who suffered an infant loss and noticed a significant void of products for infant death an burial. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm6RHsb9QeRO70Yj9OWTZzba4cwSVObxKn1FKwWWalrIDHP5ZjvPaJ5h24fqlCyLlGgCrC1K1uOkJ0XgxfwI-BTuei9YN99ktx948NwJtK-oeatKHr8Q7Ja8hmczs8h12pWiesQK0w1FY/s1600/51ZSF69AJSL._SS500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm6RHsb9QeRO70Yj9OWTZzba4cwSVObxKn1FKwWWalrIDHP5ZjvPaJ5h24fqlCyLlGgCrC1K1uOkJ0XgxfwI-BTuei9YN99ktx948NwJtK-oeatKHr8Q7Ja8hmczs8h12pWiesQK0w1FY/s320/51ZSF69AJSL._SS500_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i><b>We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead.</b></i></div>
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The hospital sent us home with a dozen books both for me and Matt and for the boys. Telling Carter about Kate and processing with him was heartbreaking and tremendously hard; however, this book made it so much easier. We have read it over and over as a family. I really love that it validates his feelings of sadness, explains that mommy and daddy cry sometimes, but also shows the angel baby on every page symbolizing that he/she is still with the family. Matt and I plan to purchase numerous copies of this book to donate back to the hospital as well as to our local libraries...it's that good.</div>
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This is the first book I have read about infant loss (I have three others waiting in the wings), but I must say so far this one has hit the spot. It is an easy and quick read, very conversational in nature with tons of interviews from mothers who have experienced some type of loss. On nearly ever page it reflects and justifies what I am feeling and experiencing. </div>
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*As I read the other books I'll post and comment on them too.<br />
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My good friend and neighbor gave me this book and I absolutely LOVE it! It's a small book and a quick read...just a few minutes, but the comfort and hope that comes with reading it has been such a blessing! <br />
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I can smile when I read this book instead of cry!<br />
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<b>A Bereaved Parent's Wish List</b>: <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%C2%A0http://www.ohiocops.com/grief/wishlist.html"> http://www.ohiocops.com/grief/wishlist.html</a><br />
<br />
<b>The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights</b>: <a href="http://www.beneficialliving.com/assets/files/BillA.pdf">http://www.beneficialliving.com/assets/files/BillA.pdf</a><br />
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<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-24708691134345907752012-11-05T17:39:00.001-08:002012-11-06T12:01:14.865-08:00Blessings<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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In
the midst of a very sad and difficult situation Matt and I have found some
comfort and peace in numerous blessings…blessings that Kate has given us and
many others.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Reconnecting<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
--Social
media is both a blessing and a curse!
Many of us get sucked in to Facebook and Twitter spending countless
hours posting and checking status updates and/or photos (either of our kids or
the latte we had that morning). I was
later than most to join the Facebook craze and am still resisting Twitter, much
to my husband’s dismay. Over the past two years I have enjoyed reconnecting
with childhood and high school friends electronically; however, I have been
floored at the expansive web of connection and reconnection Kate has woven for
Matt and me over the past six weeks. I
can’t even begin to list all of the friends, family, fraternity brothers,
former students, cohorts, colleagues, friends of friends, parents of friends,
etc. that have sought us out to share kind and loving words of support and
shared grief. The vast majority of these
connections would not have been possible or made without Facebook. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg! (In the very same breath the concurrent and
continuous stream of normal, everyday, sometimes meaningless posts and status
updates is a cruel reminder that my world has <u>stopped</u> while everyone
else’s world continues to turn unchanged.
That rant however, is for another day.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
--We
not only reconnected with friends electronically, but personally as well! The weekend of Kate’s service was filled with
high highs and low lows. Among the highs
was the time spent with friends, neighbors and family that traveled from near
and far to prop us up with love and support.
Our former neighbors flew in from South Carolina and some of our greatest
friends drove down from Columbia. My
best friends from high school flew in from Nashville and Phoenix. Our best friends from college drove down and
our cousins from Chicago made the trip south.
(All of my bridesmaids made the trip…man did I feel the love!) Finally, our great friends, The Juliano
Family, came from Orlando and Rev. David granted us the honor of conducting
Kate’s service (it was just as special having him perform Kate's memorial service as it was him conducting our wedding ceremony).
While we all hated to be brought
together given the circumstances it was so great to be TOGETHER! We had been trying get some of our friends to
visit Naples for seven years…who would have thought it would take a tiny,
beautiful baby girl to make it happen.
YEA KATE! <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Realizing<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
Tuesday after Matt and I came home from the hospital we were outside visiting
with some of our WONDERFUL neighbors when one of my mommy-friends looks at me
and said, “I gave my notice at work yesterday.
I just can’t do it anymore! After
everything that happened with Kate I want…I NEED to stay home with my little
guy. Time passes too quickly and life’s
too short.” This sweet friend had been
talking about cutting back to part-time or not working for a while, but the
right situation/opportunity never seemed to present itself for her to make the
switch. Kate gave her the little push
she needed to take a leap and do what she really wanted to do. YEA KATE! <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Being
Together (This is my favorite YEA KATE story!)<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
As I
mentioned earlier, the circumstances for being brought together were difficult,
but in my family it is <u>always great</u> to be together!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Very
soon after Kate’s death Matt and I were making arrangements for travel and her
memorial and quickly realized that for the first time since Carter’s baptism
all of our immediate family will be together.
Baptism…we had not had Ben baptized because we wanted both of our
families present and didn’t want anyone to feel left out but didn’t want to ask
either group to make the long trip north or south. It’s very true that the first born is either
privileged to (or subjected to depending on how you look at it) all of the pomp and
circumstance that comes with being “the first” while the second born often gets
the scraps and sloppy seconds. The time
just never felt “right” to baptize Ben…until our Florida trip for Kate’s
service. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7WaFdOokElnJukPlcLHmTlCcxVrLzL7XJE8mP1C9Ur48ltzXblSYHj3zF00U6M7dGjYQa-u83p_3rDJU2UtdxXQtt_wKBChLUUVA5eTXPHg9CGOey_-xdQVNrTFvAXJn4JSy0eoy_uZA/s1600/IMG950138.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7WaFdOokElnJukPlcLHmTlCcxVrLzL7XJE8mP1C9Ur48ltzXblSYHj3zF00U6M7dGjYQa-u83p_3rDJU2UtdxXQtt_wKBChLUUVA5eTXPHg9CGOey_-xdQVNrTFvAXJn4JSy0eoy_uZA/s320/IMG950138.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">David & Matt</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Matt
and I had asked our friend Rev. David Juliano to perform Kate’s service
and he loving agreed. David was also our
absolute top choice to baptize Ben…everything was falling into place! Before our trip we called our parents and
floated by them the idea of a small, private, casual beach baptismal
ceremony…they loved it! David was
excited and even said he was breaking out his holy water a parishioner brought back
from the River Jordan. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
On
Thursday my family was at my parents house for dinner. It was a beautiful Florida evening. Matt, my brother Rob, and my Uncle Bob were
sitting outside talking about the events of the past weeks as well as those of the days
to come. Rob (new father to 6-month-old
Austin) piped up and said, “Nikki and I feel much the same as you and Betsy do…we
don’t want to have Austin baptized without everyone together. How would feel…would it be okay if we had
Austin baptized with Ben tomorrow evening?!?”
I wasn’t there, but I can picture the smile that spread across Matt’s
face…of course it was okay! It was
better than okay! Nothing could make us
happier, until… My Uncle Bob (another second born) raised his hand and said,
“Me too?!?” I had no idea, but my uncle
was the product of ‘second-child syndrome’ and was never baptized. At this point Matt couldn’t stand it and came
running in to tell me about the fantastic developments! I skipped outside with a happy heart and
tears in my eyes shouting “YEA KATE!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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*(A
bit of an important back story… My brother is Carter’s godfather and while we
were meeting with the pastor before Carter’s baptism Rob, second born who had not been
baptized, asked the pastor to baptize him along with Carter. That day was doubly special for our
family!) Here again, we were getting
ready for a multi-generational SUPER-special baptism!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The Friday
evening before Kate's service, three families and a very few close friends gathered on the beach in
khaki shorts, sun dresses and bare feet.
David donned his pastoral robes and poured Holy water over my son’s,
nephew’s and uncle’s heads. We all
celebrated with a beach picnic of fried chicken and fruit while the kids played
in the water and we watched a beautiful sunset…it was <u>perfect</u>! YEA KATE!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Knowing and Feeling…Empathy</i><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
most recent blessing Kate has given us is understanding and empathy. In a former post I wrote, <i><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">“We’ve received lots of teary-eyed hugs with the comment,
“We/I don’t know </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">what to say!” You know
what…that’s okay! I’m glad people don’t
know what </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 3pt;">to say because that would mean they know
what we are feeling from experience </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 3pt;">and we are so </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 3pt;">glad that is not the
case.</span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 3pt;"> </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 3pt;">We hope people can share </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">their </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><u>sympathy</u></span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"> and
not </span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><u>empathy</u></span><span style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">."</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
While
I hoped it would never ever happen, someone we know and love has/is
experiencing a difficult situation that was initially somewhat similar to ours
with Kate. I have shared a tiny bit of
empathy. Our good friends, Neil and
Tracie Kennedy, unexpectedly delivered their son, Cooper at 30.5 weeks. He was blue and not breathing when he was
born and in the first days of his life his parents faced many heart wrenching
scares. *(He is doing much better and
continues to improve as I write this.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In
the first hours/days after Cooper was born I spent time sitting with and
talking to Tracie offering the love and support of a mother who knows what its
like to fear for your newborn baby’s life. We
talked and cried together…each crying about our own child as well as the
others. I don’t know if I was any real
help or comfort to Tracie in those early days, but I do know that had I not had
my experience with Kate I would not have even known where to begin to comfort
my friend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
posted this comment on her blog:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">My dear friend, <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">My heart bleeds at the reality that both of our worlds have
stopped...together. No two situations or experiences of maternal grief are the
same...I cannot imagine your fear and I PRAY you never experience my reality.
Still, there is comfort to be found in the fact that our worlds have halted
side-by-side for the time being. Thankfully we can reach out from our shattered
realities and grasp each other’s hand. I'm here for you...now and always. I
know my sweet Kate is cheering Cooper on! :-)</span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Rev.
David Juliano told us that because of this experience we would be different
people…he was right. Maybe Kate was
preparing us to help and be better friends to Neil and Tracie. I hope I can live up to her expectations and
make her proud. THANK YOU KATE! <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-22381222615006849202012-10-30T04:49:00.003-07:002012-11-01T19:28:46.876-07:00Unnatural<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’m
still coming to accept that the first time I held my daughter was the last and
only time I held her.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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THAT’S
NOT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The
river of life naturally flows downstream…from our grandparents, to our parents,
to us and on through our children. I
think of myself as being part of my parents and my children being part of me
not the other way around (i.e. my parents are part of me and I am part of my
children). Don’t get me wrong!...The
unbreakable connection and bond between a parent and child is there in both
directions and unconditional love is woven so tight it cannot be frayed, but I
guess it is the process and product of creating and growing a family that
creates this feeling of a downstream current for me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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Everything
about this situation and outcome feels unnatural. We’re not supposed to have to say goodbye to
our child and feel the guttural pain that comes with that parting. We’re supposed to learn about death and the
difficult, sometimes impossible decisions that accompany it from losing
grandparents, then parents hopefully after long and fulfilling lives. I wish my son did not have to experience the
extremes of losing a great-grandfather and a baby sister within the span of
three months. It’s unnatural. Life flows downstream and any unyielding
barrier that falls in its path changes the flow and course of the stream <u>forever</u>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I
realize how fortunate I am to be able to say and feel that losing a child is unnatural and unexpected. I know now more
than ever that there are so many in this world that live with the
expectation or knowledge that they will likely lose a child as a result of
their medical, living or political conditions.
My hearts bleeds for them and for every woman who has experienced this
unthinkable sadness. I don’t care how
expected or unexpected a loss like this might be, the feelings a grieving
mother feels must be universal in some light.
While I HATE that my grief is shared by many other “knowing” mothers, it
is comforting to know that I am not alone.
I have had friends, doctors, teachers, mothers of neighbors and
strangers share with me stories of the infant losses they have
experienced. We always hug and usually
cry together. (Their tears, many years
or decades later, are proof that while it gets better and is not always felt…the
pain never fully goes away.) Behind
their tears I find comfort and hope in the strength I see…they made it! They continued walking life’s path in their
new shoes…putting one foot in front of the other. While fundamentally changed they are okay.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
On
some days my world stops turning and on other days it seems to turn slowly but
it has undoubtedly been knocked from is axis and is turning at an uncomfortable
and <i>unnatural</i> tilt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-83497494755035288422012-10-18T21:20:00.003-07:002012-10-18T21:21:51.273-07:00“I will (I did) Survive”<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Well,
I did it. I made it through my daughter’s
funeral/memorial service. I survived the
planning…the hustle and bustle…flocks of family and friends…feasts of food and
drink and everything else that comes along with a significant lifetime
event. I survived it and even enjoyed
many things about our week in Florida. What
I wasn’t sure I was going to survive was watching the husband I love so dearly
-- a man full of emotion who is rarely emotional -- sob unabashedly through the
entire service. If that wasn’t hard
enough my four-year-old son began stroking Matt’s arm saying, “It’s okay
Daddy. Don’t cry.” This lasted a few
minutes until Carter relented and laid his head in Matt’s lap quietly crying
and saying, “I miss Baby Kate. I really
wanted a baby sister.”</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It’s
so hard to see the people I love in pain!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
day of Kate’s service I constructed the Hoover Dam around my tears and emotions. I knew if I opened the flood gates I wouldn’t
be able to control the tears and I didn’t want my sobs or wails to get in the
way…I didn’t want to miss a thing that morning!
I wanted to hear and remember every scripture verse, every comforting
word of Rev. David Juliano’s message, and every note of every song… I heard it all and I will remember it all… It
was perfect. The service reflected Kate
in every way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
know it sounds weird but planning Kate’s funeral brought back many memories of
planning Matt’s and my wedding.<span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">We were married in the same church with the same
officiant (Rev. David Juliano who is a very, very good friend of ours)</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">All of my brides maids were present (what
incredible friends/family they all are!)</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Designing and printing the memorial bulletin felt
much like designing and making our wedding programs</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Trying to find the perfect dress (if there is a
perfect dress when you’re two weeks postpartum)…the only difference is this
dress is black not white!</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The white
dress a bride searches high and low for is one that will guarantee she is the
radiant center of attention while the black dress a grieving mother hopes to
find is one which gives her enough confidence about her appearance to give her
confidence and belief that she can make it through one of the most difficult
days of her life.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Nerves to the core – Wedding: How am I going to
hold it together and not cry as I walk down the aisle or during my vows?</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Funeral: How am I going to hold it together
enough to not drown out the minister with my sobs?</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="text-align: justify;">It feels
so strange and unnatural comparing one of the happiest days of my life with one
of the saddest and most difficult; however, I can’t help but recall something
my father said to me around the time of my wedding. One day I was stressed and upset about the
amount of money my parents were spending on our wedding (in hindsight and
comparison it was a fairly modest amount but I was still bothered by it). My dad sat down next to me and said, “Honey,
there are typically only two days in your life when the vast majority of people
who love and care about you the most are in one place to celebrate you…one day
is your wedding…the other is your funeral and you can’t enjoy your own
funeral!” My dad kissed my forehead and
told me that this money was the best money he had ever spent! Maybe that’s why I felt so many similarities
between the two events. There were so
many of the same people present at Kate’s service as there were at our wedding
and many other people who care about our family a great deal. In many ways Kate has given me the gift of a
glimpse of what it might be like to be present at and enjoy my own
funeral! I had the wonderful opportunity
of seeing and visiting with so many people I otherwise might not have seen for
quite some time. Thank you Kate…you
continue to give lasting gifts to those who love you.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
After
a week in Florida with many highs and many lows we have returned to Iowa to
begin (or really continue) the long path toward healing. As we begin to walk this path I am becoming
aware of how much I have been changed by this experience…that I am now wearing
a new pair of shoes. Today my dad sent
the following email and poem… *(I so don't know what I/we would do without the support of our <u>incredible</u> families! Hope it's okay that I shared your email Daddy...I really loved it and love you!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>Carlin Elizabeth,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>An awesome experience to watch a daughter
tested in the fire. It is hard but it is
good; for the daughter, and for the father.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>By this process you are annealed. Stronger from within. Able to take the strain.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>Somehow now you are larger than life, yet
closer than a whisper.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>You touch me like the wind.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<i>Papa<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
"A
Pair of Shoes"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I am
wearing a pair of shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
They
are ugly shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Uncomfortable
shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
hate my shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Each
day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Yet,
I continue to wear them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
They
never talk about my shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
To
learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
To
truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
But,
once you put them on, you can never take them off.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
There
are many pairs in this world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
about
how much they hurt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
No
woman deserves to wear these shoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Yet,
because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
These
shoes have given me the strength to face anything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
They
have made me who I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
~Author
Unknown<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
have been surrounded and enveloped in the loving embrace of family, friends and
even strangers who have come together to support our family through this
difficult and trying time. I am so
thankful for and grateful to you all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Taking
my first steps in my new shoes… learning to walk all over again. <i>I will
survive!</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-81933771292040399252012-10-14T11:39:00.000-07:002012-10-14T11:39:38.527-07:00Memorial Service Bulletin<div style="text-align: center;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-1177375663927543552012-10-09T15:07:00.000-07:002012-10-17T19:40:41.976-07:00Ramblings of a Grieving Mother<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The last two weeks have been a bit like an out of body experience. In many ways I feel like I’ve been going through the motions and just getting through the days. I’ve been very busy taking care of things that had to be done to prepare for the coming days/week…writing obituaries, ordering a casket, telling your child’s school counselor that they have lost their sibling…things no one ever wants to have to do, but at least they have kept me busy. Matt began teaching his classes again last week and that has successfully kept him busy too. Busy is good. It’s when the ‘busy’ stops that I worry about. </div>
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Hopefully the ‘busy’ won’t ever stop… thankfully we have two energetic, funny, feisty and loving boys that keep this house BUSY most of the time!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7IfmQ994JzY6QrkFYe-SJjNWsmc1eRwpY7qVPsJ5n2RNCKogmL0UlhyphenhyphenKQHhr2MuJBjUgBTkMF4oz8cxfy8QCzOncexJpxTxvLbl91EhC0vE9rnNp-N8XfIJ-GDq0CwyF-ippJ5vREMbo/s1600/mmp+029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7IfmQ994JzY6QrkFYe-SJjNWsmc1eRwpY7qVPsJ5n2RNCKogmL0UlhyphenhyphenKQHhr2MuJBjUgBTkMF4oz8cxfy8QCzOncexJpxTxvLbl91EhC0vE9rnNp-N8XfIJ-GDq0CwyF-ippJ5vREMbo/s320/mmp+029.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">They are my purpose and saving grace right now…I don’t know what I would
do without them! (Love you Carter and Ben!)</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Things have been such a blur since the Tuesday we learned of Kate's diagnosis. Things happened <i style="font-weight: bold;">so fast </i>Matt and I have barely had time to process. I have noticed each of us are holding onto physical things from our experiences of those five days (Tuesday thru Saturday)... Neither Matt nor I have taken off our Baby ID hospital
bracelets…neither of us have said anything to the other, but I don't think we can bring ourselves to remove them. (Since I wrote this Matt's bracelet broke off while he was sleeping...very sad.) <br />
<br />
Matt has been carrying with him the lucky bean he had in his pocket in the delivery
room (for those of you who don't know what a lucky bean is here is a photo. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5WL9D6hduwNHPgpNE7_0pGSiKbkPYtTUISH3ryqa1kEg2nVBRIX046XXY5DMMR8GO1wJ8Kpw9eBJUoERnDMeCG57f8BsfJ35SMKmSFFaPK6YniJm5GJYThpWl5BEW7YYh_MRLKcw7ypQ/s1600/Lucky+Bean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5WL9D6hduwNHPgpNE7_0pGSiKbkPYtTUISH3ryqa1kEg2nVBRIX046XXY5DMMR8GO1wJ8Kpw9eBJUoERnDMeCG57f8BsfJ35SMKmSFFaPK6YniJm5GJYThpWl5BEW7YYh_MRLKcw7ypQ/s1600/Lucky+Bean.jpg" /></a></div>
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Matt has had this lucky bean for years. (My brother and I used to hunt for them as kids. Matt and I found this one at my family's cabin woods retreat in Naples.) Matt told me he sat the lucky bean on Kate's diaper as he talked to her in the PICU... I know that small grey bean has extra special meaning to him now.</div>
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The nights have been the most difficult for me so I have quietly found comfort in sleeping with the soft pink blanket Kate was wrapped in while in the PICU. It smelled like her for the first few nights and now her scent has faded and been replaced by mine.</div>
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<i>Support...</i></div>
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Before the craziness of the past two weeks I
caught a few episodes of Matthew Perry’s new show <i>Go On </i>(about a support group Perry's character attends after his wife's unexpected passing)… as I begin to
formulate our/my long road of dealing with loss, grief and healing I foresee the likely use of counseling and potentially support groups. I now have an entirely new appreciation for
the show. I wonder if the support group
I may join will have any interesting, hilarious...maybe even odd characters like the group in<i> Go On</i>?...guess I can only
hope!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Anger...</i></div>
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A
few years ago Matt and I watched a good friend pass away from Pancreatic
Cancer. He had been married for nearly 30
years, had two boys in high school and a little less than six months from the
time of his diagnosis to his passing. I
remember sitting on the couch with him talking and he was telling me how ANGRY
he was with his illness and the situation.
<b><i>It wasn’t fair.</i></b> Then he told me
that in the past four months the most helpful and meaningful thing anyone had
said or done for him was to pick him up and take him to a quiet lake near some
woods. His friend brought with her a big bag of rocks
and together, without saying a word, she sat with him while he flung rocks
into the water, at trees, at the ground, at anything… sat with him and just let
him be ANGRY! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m
very aware that anger is one of the five stages of grief and I know ours will
come. We have two old sets of golf clubs
in the garage that Matt was planning to cut down for the boys. I suggested maybe we each take a set and bend
them around the light post down the street! Who knows what my anger outlet will be…
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<o:p><i>Ramblings...</i> </o:p></div>
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As I
said before, this blog is more of a journal outlet for me than for any other
reason. When things were happening so
quickly with Kate’s situation I was afraid I would forget the days and details
so I started writing them down. Then the
blog became a central and more effective way to deliver information to family
and close friends. Never did we imagine
it would reach or touch so many people. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m
not sure how I feel about continuing the blog and continuing to write and share
as we move through the grieving process, but a good friend and neighbor
suggested I do. She said, “as Kate’s due
date arrives, as the holidays come, etc. it will be a way for us to read and know
how you’re doing... to know if you’re okay or to have a little insight into how
you’re feeling and know what we might be able to do to help.” (I/We are truly blessed to be surrounded by
such incredible people and wonderful friends.)
For now I will continue blogging and sharing my ramblings, but I look
forward to the day I can sign off the blog with a healing heart,
remembering...never forgetting…but moving forward to the next chapter in our lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-6251643380653863502012-10-09T13:54:00.000-07:002012-10-09T19:03:46.887-07:00Words<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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In the past week and a half we’ve received <u><b>lots</b></u> of teary-eyed
hugs with the comment, “We/I don’t know what to say!” You know what…that’s okay! I’m glad people don’t know what to say
because that would mean they know what we are feeling from experience and we
are <u><b>so glad</b></u> that is not the case. Thankfully experiencing the death of a child is not a natural or common thing in our society. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We
hope people can share their <i>sympathy,</i> thankfully not their <i>empathy</i>. I’m not sure there are ever ‘right words’ in
a situation like this. For us a quiet
hug and gentle smile shows both love and support and that is what we need the
most. <span style="color: #c0504d;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-89708914536603095232012-10-04T20:39:00.000-07:002012-10-09T06:24:29.163-07:00Tie a Pink Ribbon<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlNIVWovUbvTYuMxSD7kjtoEGtLtcRncePhMFMN8ARkfpRzrmUloYrz9iXcw2mrUBK3cutLdRT7qsfVr_ywMpxyxDGS-vbaQ7hNxrNF9ZVEFC1mafMH29cxxBzGLTqJDPYhlUTwaI1nWk/s1600/IMG_0195.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlNIVWovUbvTYuMxSD7kjtoEGtLtcRncePhMFMN8ARkfpRzrmUloYrz9iXcw2mrUBK3cutLdRT7qsfVr_ywMpxyxDGS-vbaQ7hNxrNF9ZVEFC1mafMH29cxxBzGLTqJDPYhlUTwaI1nWk/s320/IMG_0195.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Monday
afternoon Matt and I drove home from Iowa City.
We were exhausted but were so ready to see and hug our boys. Matt drove while I made a few phone calls and we talked a bit about the coming days. The last half-hour of the trip I closed my eyes and dozed a bit but woke up when I realized that Matt had stopped the car for a while. He quietly said, "you need to sit up and look around." He had stopped the car at the corner of our street in our small neighborhood...our house was 50ft to the right. Everywhere we looked, on EVERY tree large and small, EVERY light pole and EVERY sign post there were pink ribbons... Pink ribbon tied in bows and blowing in the breeze. Neither Matt nor I had shed a tear yet that day, but at that moment we both sat silently with tears streaming down our face.</div>
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In addition to the ribbons many of the houses on the street have left their lights on in honor of the light Kate brought to the world and to show their support of our family.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC4r5uSMJgN3JqOVvf7XreSSLhpWQH0laxQWOzROY2mHLo5QVl_VMGHEm7rCpLRU5rAwoKe-j6Og-Lye8sAGGJnIcsNl6J68A6ViLHkKKuuou54ux_7L6nrzgF0NMZ7s4Jp0YezV5Y618/s1600/IMG_0151.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC4r5uSMJgN3JqOVvf7XreSSLhpWQH0laxQWOzROY2mHLo5QVl_VMGHEm7rCpLRU5rAwoKe-j6Og-Lye8sAGGJnIcsNl6J68A6ViLHkKKuuou54ux_7L6nrzgF0NMZ7s4Jp0YezV5Y618/s320/IMG_0151.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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If you ever hear someone say "neighborhoods are not like they used to be" or "neighbors aren't as friendly as they were when I was a kid" come visit our neighborhood! Merced Drive is an INCREDIBLE place to live!</div>
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As if the ribbons and house lights weren't enough armies
of loving and supportive neighbors, friends and colleagues have mobilized to ensure
all of our family’s personal and professional needs are covered. The neighborhood started a 'Meal Train' that was extended to the entire community. In two days every possible meal
slot was booked for our family until December! Like I said...INCREDIBLE! I logged on the other day to check it out and couldn't believe the amount of yummy, cheesy, creamy goodness people have volunteered to bring us! I don’t know how I’m EVER going to begin to loose
any of this baby weight with all of the wonderful comfort food coming. Maybe I’ll just hibernate this winter and awake with
a mission in the spring!</div>
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In the past few days we
have found so much comfort in the tender smiles, strong hugs and shared tears
of friends…we are truly blessed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you, all!</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-60331757033007516262012-10-04T11:04:00.004-07:002012-10-04T11:04:51.425-07:00Honoring Kate (Information on Services)<br />
<br />
<u>Obituary Links</u>:<br />
<i>Des Moines Register</i>: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/desmoinesregister/obituary.aspx?pid=160238704#fbLoggedOut<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Naples Daily News</i>: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/naplesnews/obituary.aspx?n=Katherine-Mitchell&pid=160256292#fbLoggedOut<br />
<br />
<u>Visitation and Memorial Service</u>:<br />
An informal drop-in visitation for our family will be held on the Drake University campus on Friday, October 5th, from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m. in the Collier Reading Room of the Cowles Library. A formal service will be held in Naples, FL on Saturday, October 13th at First United Methodist Church of Naples and will be followed by a brief reception. <br />
<br />
In lieu of flowers or gifts we have asked that memorial donations be made to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital or The University of Iowa Children's Hospital - The University of Iowa Foundation.<br /><br />
Please feel free to distribute this information to those who may want to attend. Thank you again for all your continued love and support.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-25673655163143814782012-09-30T07:38:00.000-07:002012-10-11T20:06:14.038-07:00Picture Memories<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx8meKKh87qpS73WPBS-iZpoyF7FuEml2HP4eVjMf3toAs5vgU4jLs9VetpeoedQtmRKgkBo1m6G1-NjJEa-stMq8gXA9Chepld89z8jcX0Uwgr0RNyxHVUJq13aaHwc_I9cnbqkD_LUU/s1600/IMG_2004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx8meKKh87qpS73WPBS-iZpoyF7FuEml2HP4eVjMf3toAs5vgU4jLs9VetpeoedQtmRKgkBo1m6G1-NjJEa-stMq8gXA9Chepld89z8jcX0Uwgr0RNyxHVUJq13aaHwc_I9cnbqkD_LUU/s320/IMG_2004.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Kate greets the world! </div>
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Born Friday, September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm</div>
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Weighed 5lbs, 5oz</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilgFKJE0Aoi7CVyYPdv3Gmjaby0ZjMqr4Iqcc_r6diV-UVfPUJghUEM9qOInmqFpVRfL43AJ-S0OFrHcJ18Uu2QtF4xUpiDMFGm-IwwLTrt3udslpc4CZD2cGxV9LkntRiaMKd3Uvv8_I/s1600/IMG_0119.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilgFKJE0Aoi7CVyYPdv3Gmjaby0ZjMqr4Iqcc_r6diV-UVfPUJghUEM9qOInmqFpVRfL43AJ-S0OFrHcJ18Uu2QtF4xUpiDMFGm-IwwLTrt3udslpc4CZD2cGxV9LkntRiaMKd3Uvv8_I/s320/IMG_0119.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Proud mommy and sweet baby girl just after delivery.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbA5xvLBAObbOKTzWXjbYp-aYxxJj5hPs5NOnr71jbbYQtix4KmJbQCTiqIlKzH0cFULo-HdTgjLZJadTwdbnE7sQbApoVbVm46a_-NL1PcUVshnDN0XXry4Bg_YeyeFP0JpfAGzLPRVs/s1600/IMG_2058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbA5xvLBAObbOKTzWXjbYp-aYxxJj5hPs5NOnr71jbbYQtix4KmJbQCTiqIlKzH0cFULo-HdTgjLZJadTwdbnE7sQbApoVbVm46a_-NL1PcUVshnDN0XXry4Bg_YeyeFP0JpfAGzLPRVs/s320/IMG_2058.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Daddy-Daughter time...songs and stories</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ6OUB6S2aG8NlE1A2uemZ_lmBKb2jtkWiay8d2iO4JG0KiXg1Bi56_9qYcn4-lNCTEeUQEFsmr7QTpNxPTlvEXV9A_ue_IIyAKNe21XpfeKXAkBhiEUJz6wNgo-fMR9htJr2L-HY1e6w/s1600/IMG_0122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ6OUB6S2aG8NlE1A2uemZ_lmBKb2jtkWiay8d2iO4JG0KiXg1Bi56_9qYcn4-lNCTEeUQEFsmr7QTpNxPTlvEXV9A_ue_IIyAKNe21XpfeKXAkBhiEUJz6wNgo-fMR9htJr2L-HY1e6w/s320/IMG_0122.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Snuggles, lullabies and a sweet goodbye...</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-18733185882664203392012-09-29T18:46:00.000-07:002012-10-11T20:07:51.468-07:00Rock-A-Bye Sweet Baby KateIt is with shattered hearts, but with hearts full of a loving peace, we share with you the passing of our Sweet Kate. She graced this earth for nearly 26 hours departing it at 7:54 pm. Her passing was peaceful. She was wrapped in her cozy blanket snuggled in our arms when she took her last breaths. <br />
<br />
We were/are so blessed to be her parents! I have never seen such a tiny, new person have such an impact on so many.<br />
<br />
We love you Kate and look forward to the day we see you and wrap you in our arms again!<br />
<br />
Thank you all for your outpouring of love, support and prayers.<br />
Every single one of them was felt to the fullest.<br />
<br />
All our love,<br />
Matt, Betsy, the Boys and Sweet KateAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-47220082949813346382012-09-29T10:55:00.000-07:002012-10-02T21:02:12.847-07:00Our Journey Continues...Via Roller CoasterBefore too much more time passes I wanted to go back and catch up on some of the details of yesterday's happenings. This blog is as much a therapeutic journal for Matt and me as it is for delivering information to all of you...I want to make sure I don't leave anything out.<br />
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Yesterday morning (Friday) I had yet another appointment for a monitoring ultrasound with our perinatal specialist, Dr. Drake, in Des Moines. After 30-45 minute scan we met with Dr. Drake who reported that she observed signs of hydrops (fluid around the heart) and asides (fluid in the abdomen) and that the size of Kate's heart and left ventricle in her brain had both increased. All of these were alarming and Dr. Drake immediately called our team in Iowa City. Twenty minutes later we were on our way home to grab our bags and immediately head toward Iowa City and the University Hospital.</div>
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For those of you that know my husband and his driving you know that he doesn't set any land-speed records! Needless to say he handled communications from the passenger seat and I sat behind the wheel driving safely and mostly within legal limits!</div>
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We walked through the doors of the hospital at 3:00 pm and when I gave my name to the nurse at the Labor & Delivery desk there was an immediate shout of "they're here!" and people started swarming out of doors...our entire team had been waiting for us to arrive. We were immediately whisked into a nearby ultrasound room and the team went to work re-scanning Kate. Within five minutes there was consensus that they saw no new signs of hydrops or asides and that the increased size of Kate's heart and left ventricle were not severe enough to warrant immediate delivery! They decided to admit us for the weekend to allow for constant monitoring, but wanted me to continue incubating Kate for a little while longer. Matt and I were thrilled that it looked like many of our fears had been temporarily relieved and we would be able to wait a little while longer to meet our baby girl! </div>
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The team of doctors left the room and the sonographer finished up the final piece of the ultrasound...the biophysical profile (BPP). BPPs look for and rate baby's movement, tone, flex/extension, at least 30 second of breathing practice, fluid levels, etc. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday mornings Kate had scored 8 out of 8 on all of her BPPs, but yesterday afternoon she scored only 4 out of 8. After a follow-up non-stress test (NST) they downgraded Kate's score to a 4 out of 10. With this news the team of doctors came back in (approximately one hour after they had left the ultrasound room) and told us that they had reassessed the situation and decided to deliver Kate immediately. WHAT A ROLLER COASTER! Matt and I quickly began signing consent forms and I began prep for a C-section. </div>
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At 6:01 pm Kate was born in a bustling OR (I think we counted nearly 20 people in the room at one point!). After just a few minutes we heard the glorious sounds of her strong, sweet cry! We were able to see her for less than a minute in the isolette before they whisked her away to the NICU to stabilize her and prepare her for surgery. </div>
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At about 8:45 pm Kate began her surgical procedure. (Before he began the surgery, Dr. Hasan, the Interventional Radiologist came in to talk with us briefly. During our brief discussion we learned that since 1997 there have only been about 10 cases in the U.S. when infants had been taken for this type of procedure <u>immediately</u> following delivery. This speaks to just how special Kate is and how serious her situation was.)</div>
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After 6+ hours of surgery we were told by Dr. Hasan that <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">with multiple procedures they were able to close off </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">approximately</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"> 90% of the malformation in Kate's brain...WOW! That's a lot more than what we expected. During the procedure they overshot the amount of Heparin she needed and a bleed started in her brain. They immediately inserted a cranial catheter to drain and remove the additional pressure caused by the blood & spinal fluid leak. Dr. Hasan said that the next 24-48 hours would be critical. As long as they can get her bleeding controlled and her labs back where they need to be he was optimistic that the bleed was just a speed bump and she will hopefully recover fully. Right now and through most of the procedure her BP and other vitals were stable...she's a fighter! Dr. Hasan even said that depending on how she does he may go back in within the week to try to completely close off the rest of the vein! In no way did we expect this! We knew she had some work and recovery to do over the next crucial 24-48 hours but we had smiles on our faces! She's definitely a superstar and may just be our miracle baby!!! Riding the roller coaster...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">That was near 3:00 am...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Somewhere around 4:00 am the doctors from the Pediatric ICU began coming in with updates on Kate's situation. Apparently Kate's bleeding was more severe than we understood and they were having difficulty controlling it. They were prepping her for a CT Scan to assess the amount of and potential impact of the blood & fluid on Kate's brain. At this point we were also told that Kate had not made any responsive movements since arriving in the PICU. This was very alarming and upsetting to both us and the team of doctors. Matt and I were told we should head up to the PICU as soon as I felt up to it. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I scrambled out of bed and we made the short trip up one floor to her bedside. We spent some wonderful time holding her hand, kissing her cheeks, and talking and singing to her. The trip was physically and emotionally exhausting so we headed back to our room for a break and to allow the team room to continue monitoring her. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Upon returning to our room Matt and I asked for chaplain and a little while later made a second trip to visit Kate. We (doctors and nurses included) prayed over her and had her baptized. The full name we have given her is Katherine Elizabeth Mitchell but we will lovingly call her Kate!</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">We returned to our room after a very emotional but meaningful visit. After a mere 15 hours sleep in 4-5 days I </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">succumbed</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"> to a few short naps and Matt went back up to spend some time with Kate. He talked to her for over an hour about how her parents met, told her about her brothers, played her some of their favorite "train songs" and sang to her. He's such an amazing dad!</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">While Matt was with Kate the PICU team conducted an EEG to evaluate Kate's brain activity since there had been no responsive movements since her surgery. When Matt came back downstairs he crawled in bed with me and told me that her EEG results were flat-lined and there was no apparent brain activity. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">The lead doctor in the PICU, Gwen, is an ANGEL and has been nearly as emotional about Kate as we have been. She has promised to be 100% honest with us at all times and make sure we were aware when in her opinion we had crossed the line of doing things "to" Kate instead of doing things "for" Kate. She said that Kate's brain would likely "declare" itself one way or another...positively or negatively. It seemed like we were potentially nearing this point. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Since that development Matt and I have had many difficult discussions. We made a call to the Palliative Care team which helps parents and families with quality of life, end of life and grief counseling. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">But wait...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">At 12:15 there was a knock on our door and we expected to see the Care Team come in, but instead Gwen and Dr. Hasan (Kate's surgeon) walked through the door. They told us that in the last hour Kate had opened her eyes with some </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">responsive</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"> movement and moved her feet a bit. They were very serious in warning us not to read too much into these movements as we don't know how meaningful they are, but it is a change in her situation and is therefore a reason to give her more time. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">So continues the roller coaster! We are headed back upstairs to spend some more time with our girl. Things do not look good, but they are different and potentially better than they were an hour ago. We are going to continue watching for changes in her situation and trying to understand her quality of life situation. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. Another update will sure follow...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Love to you all,</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Matt, Betsy, the Boys and Kate</span></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-4666335925778894182012-09-28T18:46:00.003-07:002012-09-29T08:20:53.804-07:00We just welcomed Baby Kate - the fifth member of our family!<br />
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We got to see her as they were taking her away to her first brain surgery - she is the most beautiful girl - tons of hair!<br />
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We'll know how the first surgery goes in 15 minutes to 2 hours. It will be the longest wait of our lives.<br />
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Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWM9i_U1dGLoa8cLtQzyqOXMGivKEou7cIzs3gcE7dRQQtq-4kAM_7RCy80GQgf8RYR-wDNjP-jd0PE3hNXkkaha-nbX1giPFtj_ODaCwonJ2_hAHA1Svng5nQJ7X7SUyq9lXj9saBqI/s1600/Baby_Kate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWM9i_U1dGLoa8cLtQzyqOXMGivKEou7cIzs3gcE7dRQQtq-4kAM_7RCy80GQgf8RYR-wDNjP-jd0PE3hNXkkaha-nbX1giPFtj_ODaCwonJ2_hAHA1Svng5nQJ7X7SUyq9lXj9saBqI/s320/Baby_Kate.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-5111346880093819502012-09-28T11:47:00.001-07:002012-10-02T21:02:51.070-07:00Here we go...Today we had our appointment at 11am with the Perinatal specialist. She noted that Kate's situation had deteriorated since Tuesday. She has begun to develop hydrops and fluid in the abdomen. Her heart and the left ventricle in her brain are both noticeably larger. This is a sign of increased pressure in the brain.<br />
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The perinatal specialist Dr. Drake immediately called our team of doctors in Iowa City. It was determined the best course of action would be for us to drive to Iowa City immediately with a potential delivery this afternoon or tonight.<br />
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Today we got to see Kate in the ultrasound again. She was very active, she's got big cheeks like Benjamin, cute pouty lips, and tons of hair! She continues to score well on her biophysical tests, and we hope this is a sign that she has the strength she needs to pull through what's ahead. <br />
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When we think about the enlarged size of Kate's heart we can't help but think about the Grinch. His heart was enlarged because of love... While we know there is a medical reason for Kate's enlarged heart, we like to think it is partly because she is such a loved little girl and she has so much love waiting to radiate to us and those around her.<br />
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We are on our way right now... Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9160842550274537537.post-54814194955544085082012-09-28T04:24:00.000-07:002012-09-28T04:24:57.200-07:00Our Journeys Beginning...<div style="text-align: justify;">
So here we are in Bloggers world... There are so many people that we want to make updates and information available to that keeping up with sending emails to the mass of people was becoming impossible. In the coming days/weeks/months we will use this blog to share updates, information and stories on Baby Kate's situation and the happenings of our family. </div>
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The message below is the latest email that was sent on Thursday, September 27th. More posts will come as Matt and I are able to write them and updates with Kate's situation become available.</div>
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Hey Everyone, </div>
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We wanted to updated you after our day in Iowa City at the University of Iowa Hospital. It was a marathon day -- leaving our house at 5:30 am and returning home at 7:00 pm with non-stop testing and doctors visits from 8:00 - 5:00.</div>
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If you did not receive the initial email we sent out yesterday, here is a super brief update...</div>
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Tuesday I went in for a routine OB appointment during which they wanted do a quick ultrasound to check the amount of my amniotic fluid. With both of the boy's pregnancies I carried excess amniotic fluid and wasn't showing clear signs of doing that with this pregnancy. An ultrasound at 34 weeks is not routine and many docs likely would not have been interested in the fluid levels since I am measuring on-track for normal fetal growth. </div>
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Thank God they did the ultrasound! They noticed Kate's heart was enlarged and that there was some abnormal vascular activity in her brain. I was immediately walked over to a perinatal specialists office who did another ultrasound and told us that Kate has a very rare aneurysm in her brain called the Vein of Galen Malformation. The odds of this malformation is 1 in 100,000 to 1 in 1,000,000 and given the size of Kate's aneurysm we're on the 1 in 1,000,000 range. We were immediately referred to the University of Iowa Hospital which is where we spent yesterday...</div>
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Our first stop of the day with with Maternal Fetal Medicine (High-Risk OBs). They performed an ultrasound to confirm the findings of the previous day, observe the aneurysm and check the situation of her heart condition and general blood flow levels. Their feedback was that they were very concerned by what they saw and are first and foremost focusing on the condition of her heart. Any type of fluid around the heart can quickly lead to congestive heart failure (called hydrops) and can very negatively affect the situation and Kate's outcome. We left this appointment with a feeling of urgency that the doctors may decide Kate needs to be delivered in a matter of days...not the weeks were thinking/hoping for.</div>
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From maternal fetal medicine we were sent to a pediatric cardiologist who performed an echo cardiogram to take a detailed look at the current condition of Kate's heart. </div>
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(The cardiologist commented on the number of ultrasounds I had had in the past 24 hours...I told him I was fairly certain I could make it to the end of a dry slip-n-slide with the vast amounts of "goop" that had been smeared on my belly in the past day!--It's a challenge, but we're trying to outnumber tears with smiles.)</div>
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The peds cardiologist was a super nice guy and gave us a relatively positive report. Structurally Kate's heart is normal...it is just about twice the size it should be because it is having to work so hard to circulate blood to and from the aneurysm in her brain. When/If we can repair this problem and avoid any other complications it is expected that Kate's heart will either shrink to back to it's normal size with the release of the pressure or that she will grow into it -- maybe even in the first 6 months to year of her life. The doctor did not see any leaks in the valves due to the size of heart or any other seriously alarming signs of the immediate onset of hydrops (fluid around the heart) so his concern of an immediate onset of heart failure decreased. He decided that very close monitoring was the best course of action at this time and that we just MIGHT get a few more <u>weeks</u> in utero for Kate to grow and mature her lungs. We left this appointment on a high!</div>
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From there we were seen by a neonatologist who will be in charge of Kate's care after she is born. His visit was sobering. He reminded us how rare this malformation was and how complicated the entire situation is to manage and treat. He clearly informed us that when Kate is born she will be in NICU Bay 1 which is reserved for the sickest babies in the hospital. Should everything go well in the first 24-48 hours after she is born we are looking at least a number of weeks in the NICU (hopefully not months). During this appointment we were also assigned and met a social worker who will manage our case and provided us with some good resources as we begin this journey.</div>
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Our last stop of the day was back in the maternal fetal medicine ward for a wrap-up with our high-risk OB (Dr. Krupp). She had been on the phone gathering results from our team all afternoon. The team is not yet in consensus on the best time Kate should be delivered. They will continue reviewing the case today and tomorrow and hopefully come to a consensus...if not, they will present us with options on Monday when we are back in Iowa City and we will go from there. (Dr. Krupp did mentioned that after their discussion, the cardiologist thinks we are looking at a week...MAYBE two before she will need to be delivered so I guess we will be meeting our baby girl sooner rather than later.) </div>
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Dr. Krupp had also been in touch in the neuro department. The specialist that will be performing Kate's surgery is an Interventional Radiologist. (This type of abnormality is typically no longer treated by Neurosurgeons who do invasive brain surgery -- instead, most often catheterization is used to conduct an embollization which will stop the irregular blood flow in the brain.) </div>
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It is certain that Kate will be delivered by C-section. The entire team will be in the room for delivery and depending on her condition, she will likely be taken immediately by the Interventional Radiologist and Peds Cardiologist for surgery. The plan is to cut the umbilical cord long and use that to snake the catheter to her brain. Kate's aneurysm is large...we got the impression it may be one of the largest the team has seen. They will not be able to treat it with one procedure so the radiologist will insert one emboli and the cardiologist will then immediately check her heart function (apparently she may experience some relief immediately). This will be repeated as necessary (and as able). </div>
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At this point we were told very frankly of the severity of the situation and procedure. If there are no other respiratory or cardiac complications when she is born they are giving Kate a 50% chance of survival. We are hoping, praying and having faith that we will be on the right side of that coin flip!</div>
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Where we go from here...</div>
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Yesterday the docs gave me a the first of two steroid shots to boost Kate's lungs development and prepare her for a likely pre-term delivery. I have appointments today in Des Moines for an NST (non-stress test) to monitor Kate's movement and heart rate as well as the second steroid injection. Tomorrow I go back to the perinatal specialist (in Des Moines) for an ultrasound to monitor the function and fluid levels around her heart. Monday we are back in Iowa City for another ultrasound, echo cardiogram, meeting with the high risk department and meeting with our entire team of specialists. *(With all of the ultrasounds Kate has had already we have dubbed her <i>"our most photographed child" </i>which is hard to beat given the number of photos we have of our boys!)</div>
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Matt and I have been told to pack our bags now as any day, and any trip to Iowa City could be delivery day. </div>
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As scary as this situation is we also have found so many blessings:</div>
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--<u>We found this early!</u> The size of the aneurysm is such that had it gone undetected it very likely may have ended Kate's life before she was born and potentially soon after she was born. At least now we have a great team in place, have a plan and Kate has a chance!</div>
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--University of Iowa is one of only a very small handful of hospitals (like four) to which patients are referred for a situation like this...we feel like we are in the right place with the right people!</div>
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--Friends and family have been coming out of the woodwork with love and offers of help! *(Special thanks to Claire and Michelle who helped out in our clutch situation with the boys on Wednesday! We, and they love you both!) </div>
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We feel so loved, and while we're not quite sure what we need right now, <u>we will need you</u> whatever Kate's outcome is. It will be tough either way.</div>
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Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and for being the special people you are to us,</div>
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Much love,</div>
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Matt, Betsy, the Boys and Kate</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10011389141273441433noreply@blogger.com0